Cocktail Party Pieces (Perfect Together, Fabulous Alone)

It may be a little on the early side to start penning a Christmas List, but my love of sparkly things has me dreaming of festive cocktail party- worthy attire. As glitter, sequins, jewel- tones and metallics come out in full force for the holiday season, in fashion journals and fall/winter collections alike, I’m finding myself inspired. With this in mind, I’ve compiled a list of some of the most covetable pieces that we’ll be seeing this holiday season. 

 Tuxedo Jacket: A sharply tailored black blazer anchors the wildest of Christmas bling, while a metallic or jewel- toned one is a go- to statement piece that will elevate any ensemble.

Lace: It’s sexy and pretty and adds just the right touch of softness peeking out from under a menswear- inspired blazer.

 Red: Studies have repeatedly found that men are most attracted to women clad in red, but that should come as no to surprise to those of us who’ve already made shades of crimson a part of our regular rotation.  Leave the LBD at home, step out in a red cocktail dress, and conduct your own survey.

Wild Accessories:  Gold python bracelets that snake up the wrist, shoulder- skimming earrings in all types and colours of feathers and gemstones, oversized belts adorned with sequins and glitter, and hosiery in cheetah, paisley, and open lace patterns add the kind of unexpected flare that takes an outfit to the next level.

 

Sequins and Sparkle and Glitter (oh My): Whether adorning a top, be it close fitting or flowing; a dress, whether shift or A- Line… you get the idea. The holiday season gives us an excuse to bust out the sparkly things, and so long as it’s kept to a reasonable limit shine is a must- have element in festive dressing.

J Lo demonstrates the versatility of the look with five very different approaches that take the festive stuff from wearable workwear to nighttime drama.

And…

For the casual family affair: Embellished/ Patterned tights with an oversized cable knit sweater and booties. Simple perfection.

Nice Girls Finish Last; Why it Doesn't Pay to be Polite

I’m not a dumb blonde, I just play one in real life. It’s not something that I do on purpose, it’s just that it’s impossible to voice opinions and contest ideas without the risk of offending. I’m a product of my socialization and, like a majority of women, the compulsion to protect the integrity of my “nice girl” status is foremost in my mind in any social interaction. At my worst, I’m an extreme example of the effects of “nice- girl” socialization, the unfortunate by- product of lessons of social propriety. What this means is that in conversation I measure every exchange, on guard for an indication that I’ve offended, and resultantly come across like I have nothing original, interesting, or, at times, coherent, to say. I feel the irresistible urge to put forth excuses and explanations that aren’t needed when a simple “no” would suffice.

This doesn’t mean that I am truly “nice” in any meaningful sense of the word; not unless it’s “nice” to be ruthless in my appraisal of others (and sometimes nonsensically so), or to be thoroughly vocal about my exacting judgement so long as the offending party is out of ear shot. If someone is deserving, I suppose that talking behind their back is like a surreptitious enactment of retribution. As a “nice girl,” it’s not like I’m going to risk hurt feelings by confronting someone for their perceived indiscretions, but I  find satisfaction in airing my grievances elsewhere.

This is ineffective in social situations, and even more so in professional ones. For one thing, respect is garnered through, among other things, demonstrations of strength, and intelligence. A person with no (discernible) opinions demonstrates neither.

  It’s a process, trying to overcome the tendency to let authenticity take a backseat to congeniality,  but every step I take away from the “nice girl, ” every move I make that is unmediated by the desire not to offend, is a step toward authenticity. It sounds sentimental, but it’s true.  I am not a “nice girl;” I never was, nor was anyone else. She’s an archetype to which no female compares, and trying to live within the constraints of “nice girl” identity serves no real purpose (if you count success at any level among your goals).  

I still find it a struggle to step outside the “nice girl” persona when necessary. She’s my go- to guide for dealing with social situations. The problem is that I’ve found that she doesn’t have any real answers, so I’m starting to look for my own.

Hallowe'en the TMW Way

Only because in the previous post I addressed the comparative merits of a variety of Sexy Hallowe’en costume stylings, here is my interpretation of a ‘Dark Angel.’ It’s not the most creative thing, and if you asked me what a ‘Dark Angel’ is, I probably couldn’t tell you. To be real, you might even call this a re- vamped vampire hooker look (as was previously discussed). Whatever; the dress was hanging in my closet and the feathers were salvaged from an oversized item buried in my ‘top drawer’ that had yet to be used. It was what it was. Here it is.

Note: You know how when you're around other people you sing in a goofy, fake voice, so that you don't feel stupid singing in your real voice? That's me and making a kissy face in pictures. It's only pictured once here, but point a camera in my direction and I can't help myself. Just thought I'd share that.

Better than Hot Chocolate; Gearing up for Fall

It’s starting to get chilly outside, and there’s nothing better to take my mind off of the impending Canadian cold than stocking up on cute fall-winter wardrobe staples.  Dressing for winter affords so many more possibilities than for the warmer months; there’s layering, (faux) fur accessories and trim, and the snuggly sweaters that are the mainstays of every Canadian girl’s winter repertoire. So here it is; my non- exhaustive list of the sexiest essentials for frosty temps. 

Marc Jacobs Penn Trench

Juicy Couture Plaid Trench

       (Faux) Fur Trimmed Trench; Marc Jacobs’ 40’s- inspired “Penn” trench is a calf- skimming style with a detachable faux fur collar, and the classic piece retails for $500.00.  Juicy Couture’s plaid version is more playful, without straying from the timeless lines that make this look as versatile as it is. The Juicy jacket retails for $448.

Fur vest, $225, Mk2k

    

             (Faux) Fur Vest; Instant sex appeal for nighttime, touchable softness for day.

      

Michael Kors runway

     

     

      

 

      Fair Isle Sweater ( With or without the faux fur); Last year’s statement piece has yet to be retired to the back of the closet. Cosy Fair Isle wrap sweaters are just as cute as they were last season wrapped over lighter pieces. 

4.)     

     

    

Gucci, $962

     Naughty Python Pumps; Snakeskin is huge in footwear this season, and I’m crushing on snakeskin pumps in muted, metallic, and Crayola hues. There are options at every price point; if Christian Louboutin's ruffled Pumps' pricetag is a deterrent, Steve Madden’s violet version is priced at an affordable $99.95.         

Christian Louboutin, $2650

Steve Madden

Jessica Simpson Collection, $89

      
      Pencil Skirt in a Bold Colour; the perfect way to add interest to a standard silhouette, this season’s pencil skirt is best in every shade of bright. This re- vamped basic transitions seamlessly from work to cocktail attire, whether anchored with a blazer or paired with a sexy stiletto and a pretty studded cuff. Joe Fresh offers a scarlet neoprene take on the look.

      

         Luxe Loungewear: Street meets luxury, a la Alexander Wang’s provocative line of basics. Layering pieces that step it up a level with a balance of high- low elements, like sexy off- the- shoulder necklines and slim silhouettes.  This T by Alexander Wang Hoodie is streetwear at its best. 

T by Alexander Wang

The Best and Worst Hallowe'en Costume Ideas of 2011

Worst Hallowe’en Costumes of 2011

Snooki- Just… why? It’s too obvious to be funny, and it’s so far from sexy that you might as well step the scary up a level and go all- out zombie creature. If funny is what you’re trying to achieve, don a Sasquatch ensemble and tell everyone that you’re Khloe Kardashian ( I mean, I love her and all, but you know…).

Lady Gaga: You can’t put your own spin on Lady Gaga. Madonna circa the 80’s is a lot more fun; bust out the fishnets and the lacy gloves, rip up a wedding dress that’s all poufy tulle and crinoline, swipe on some black liner, and use half a can of hairspray teasing your hair. The goal is a sexy celebrity look that says “Jessica channelling (insert celeb here),” rather than “another girl dressed as the same singer that everyone else is dressed as this year.”

Dead/ Vampire/ Zombie Hooker: I did it when I was thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen, and if you haven’t yet I’m going to go ahead and suggest that you don’t.  It’s probably the worst excuse ever to dress like a hooker.

Kate Middleton: You could go out as Princess Kate, or Michelle Obama, or any other random political figure/ head of state who has been in the news lately. But then you would be boring as hell.

Sara Palin: See above. She’s not even relevant anymore.

  

Best Hallowe’en Costumes of 2011

 

 

Jessica Rabbit- She’s vintage- sexy and just obscure enough to be interesting. The look takes a lot of work to pull off, but it’s definitely worth the effort if you’re willing to go all out (see: Heidi Klum).

  

 

 Arabian-Belly Dancer-Harem Girl- Genie: She goes by many names, but this veiled lady in harem pants is always hot. Caveat: Toned mid- section required.

 Androgynous Looks: Stand apart from the super- fem silhouettes that reign on Hallowe’en with a costume inspired by one of music’s androgynous male icons. The combo of masculine and feminine elements can be attractive on either sex, and you need look no further than the examples of Prince, Michael Jackson, David Bowie, or any of the other Glam- Rock gods of the past for inspiration. Shoulder pads, slim fitting slacks, military- inspired jackets, and chunky platforms add to the masculine feel of the look, while thick black liner and a muted lip keep it feminine.  Michael Jackson- esque curls, a gelled- back Prince coif, or a strategically tied bandana finish it off.

Boxer Girl:  Booty shorts, hooded satin robe, black grease paint. It’s a hot look.

 

 

Sexy Soldier: An excuse to wear camo, and I’m all about the booty shorts and grease paint.  Loving tough/ hard elements right now, I guess.

Sexy Police Officer: Is the sexy part redundant? Set aside whatever personal sentiments you may have about girl cops (or is that just me?), and have fun playing the ‘bad cop.’ Make sure not to forget the handcuffs.

 

Courtney Stodden: If you’ve been looking for an excuse to step out in a pink vinyl bikini and stripper heels, she’s your girl.  Just make sure to spend the night making faces like a mentally challenged porn star, and while you may not be the sexiest thing around you’ll be guaranteeing your crew a good time. (Note: That was a joke. Sixteen year olds who can pass for thirty six year old porn stars are not sexy. If you do decide to go out as little Courtney, though, I’d love to see it.)

Sexy Hallowe'en Decor

 Whether you’re looking for ideas to sex-ify your annual Holiday fete or looking for some cost- effective ways to spice up your apartment in honour of the occasion, I’ve compiled a list of simple, chic ways to dress up your domicile, as well as a list of budget- friendly alternatives. Set the tone for a devilishly sexy soiree with these easy- to- execute ideas.

Do it With Florals

Roses works best, and if you can fit it in the budget, the more the better. Some florists will have a selection of roses died in dark colours (think deep purples, burgundies, greens, grays and blacks) on hand, but if yours doesn’t a can of aerosol spray paint will do the trick in no time. You could also try dying your flowers; simply soak in a solution of water and food colouring adjusted to suit your colour palate well in advance of the date of your party. Give it at least a week. If they emerge from the treatment looking a bit worse for wear, don’t stress; it’s in keeping with the effect you’re trying to achieve.

Do it Cheap : Stop by a Dollar Store (the good one… don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!), and pick up some faux flowers. You should be able to find black ones well before Hallowe’en.  Dried red roses work in a pinch as well. Tuck them behind picture frames and in other areas that need a little something extra.

      

   Mood Lighting   
      

We’re going for chic here, so fibre- optic décor, fluorescent lighting of any kind, and little pumpkin heads on a string are out. Candelabras are a perfect way to set the mood, whether you can find them in wrought iron, silver, copper, or black. If you haven’t got any on hand it should be easy to source them out at any vendor specializing in party rentals, or if you’ve got time you could scour through the aisles of a couple of antique shops. You might even get lucky at your neighbourhood thrift shop. Outfit the candelabras with tapers and situate them in what will be the main focal points of your space. Fill up any gaps with candles of varying heights and widths to get the full effect. Red bulbs and low lighting will add to the drama.

Do it Cheap: Candles can be purchased inexpensively from Dollar, Discount, and Thrift stores, so search them out and stock up on as many as you can afford. The goal is to have a varied selection of heights and widths so that you can arrange them in impressive displays that will dress up any buffet, table, or counter in your space while casting the shadowy glow that will set the tone for the party.

       

   Textiles and Drapery

Black lace and textiles in rich fabrics and deep tones add a sexy boudoir feel to a gathering. Black and white damask makes a great accent as well. Try hanging swaths of fabric in doorways or using sheer linens as room dividers. Drape black lace over banquet tables and on any surface that detracts from the sexy- scary vibe of the room.

Do it Cheap: With backlit red curtains or sheets casting a glow over the space.

  Combine these three major elements and your space will be party- ready, but mix things up with a few easy extras and accessories to make it really fun.

  
Extras:

-Dry Ice: Set it by the refreshments.

-Red/ black glass vases and glassware, arranged amidst candles.
-Crystal spiders, skulls, roses, etc... if it's sparkly and slightly dark, find a spot for it where it can catch the candlelight.

-Old black and white photographs:  Try tucking creepy- looking photos taken from a century ago into the frames you’ve already got up, or use thrift- store frames to display prints on surfaces and walls. Mix in a few shots of dead celebrities if you like. Computer print- outs will create the same effect as prints given the dim lighting.

The possibilities are endless. Just keep in mind that if your aim is sexy and chic, rubber severed hands and spiders in the punchbowl are not the way to go.  Keep it classy with a dark colour palate, mood lighting, and fun (if not exactly sophisticated) florals.

Cellulite is Sexy

Cellulite is sexy. Not an unsightly annoyance to be overlooked,  but as much a defining, inherently feminine attribute as breasts, or the curve of a hip, or soft skin. But more on that later.  

 First of all, to be clear; I occupy a space in the same world as you do. I feel the weight of the same external measures of sexiness, and am well aware of the taut ideal to which I am expected to compare.  I haven’t always felt this way, and though I came up with my little theory quite a while ago I still chide myself from time to time to keep it in mind. I’m blessed with a little bit of modest dimple-age, nothing that I’ve ever been concerned about but enough to prompt second glances at my backside (my own), and to ensure that my hem hits low enough on my leg to keep my little lady dimples a secret from unknowing eyes.

The seed of this idea sprang up in my mind one day when, exiting the house in shorts that left everything out in the open, I made a comment to my boyfriend about the visibility of my…ripples (because cottage cheese is just a hideous term). He responded that it, my cellulite, was cute, and I started thinking about that. Why isn’t cellulite cute? Dimples on faces are cute. We’ve all read in Cosmo the assurances that men ‘won’t even see’ your ‘problem’ areas, that they’ll overlook what you deem as glaring flaws as they take in the positive attributes that make you a woman. But why isn’t cellulite cute? Why can’t cellulite be sexy?

The thing is, I’m of the (pretty incontrovertible, I think) opinion that what straight people find attractive in their mates/ objects of desire are exactly the traits that they do not have. I am drawn to muscle, bulk, dark skin, deep voices… let’s not let me get ahead of myself. Men like curves, small waists, breasts, hips, high voices, and soft skin. In fact, it is the difference in the quality of our skin, at the cellular level, that is responsible for the presence of cellulite on more than 95% of the female population, and less than 5% of the male. Our lower dermis layers have a structure that’s composed of parallel fibres, while mens’ are cross hatched in appearance. This results in the soft texture of ours and the rougher, thicker texture of theirs, and the condition of cellulite that we have been told so many times is an undesirable trait to be dieted/ exercised/ treated away. In fact, cellulite is as much a part of the natural female form  as having breasts is, and on most bodies it cannot be diminished with even the most extreme of efforts. Nor should it be. If we shifted the lens with which we looked at it, we would rightfully view cellulite as just another beautiful part of the distinctive composition of the female body.

So, to me, cellulite is sexy. Like finding emaciated bodies appealing, the tendency to view cellulite as an ugly thing is to me an unnatural one that’s shaped by our socialization. That’s what I tell myself when I find my eyes caught on mine, and I think that if more people told themselves the same it could easily shift from what seems a crazy proposition to a normalized one.