Worst Hallowe’en Costumes of 2011
Snooki- Just… why? It’s too obvious to be funny, and it’s so far from sexy that you might as well step the scary up a level and go all- out zombie creature. If funny is what you’re trying to achieve, don a Sasquatch ensemble and tell everyone that you’re Khloe Kardashian ( I mean, I love her and all, but you know…).
Lady Gaga: You can’t put your own spin on Lady Gaga. Madonna circa the 80’s is a lot more fun; bust out the fishnets and the lacy gloves, rip up a wedding dress that’s all poufy tulle and crinoline, swipe on some black liner, and use half a can of hairspray teasing your hair. The goal is a sexy celebrity look that says “Jessica channelling (insert celeb here),” rather than “another girl dressed as the same singer that everyone else is dressed as this year.”
Dead/ Vampire/ Zombie Hooker: I did it when I was thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen, and if you haven’t yet I’m going to go ahead and suggest that you don’t. It’s probably the worst excuse ever to dress like a hooker.
Kate Middleton: You could go out as Princess Kate, or Michelle Obama, or any other random political figure/ head of state who has been in the news lately. But then you would be boring as hell.
Sara Palin: See above. She’s not even relevant anymore.
Best Hallowe’en Costumes of 2011
Jessica Rabbit- She’s vintage- sexy and just obscure enough to be interesting. The look takes a lot of work to pull off, but it’s definitely worth the effort if you’re willing to go all out (see: Heidi Klum).
Arabian-Belly Dancer-Harem Girl- Genie: She goes by many names, but this veiled lady in harem pants is always hot. Caveat: Toned mid- section required.
Androgynous Looks: Stand apart from the super- fem silhouettes that reign on Hallowe’en with a costume inspired by one of music’s androgynous male icons. The combo of masculine and feminine elements can be attractive on either sex, and you need look no further than the examples of Prince, Michael Jackson, David Bowie, or any of the other Glam- Rock gods of the past for inspiration. Shoulder pads, slim fitting slacks, military- inspired jackets, and chunky platforms add to the masculine feel of the look, while thick black liner and a muted lip keep it feminine. Michael Jackson- esque curls, a gelled- back Prince coif, or a strategically tied bandana finish it off.
Boxer Girl: Booty shorts, hooded satin robe, black grease paint. It’s a hot look.
Sexy Soldier: An excuse to wear camo, and I’m all about the booty shorts and grease paint. Loving tough/ hard elements right now, I guess.
Sexy Police Officer: Is the sexy part redundant? Set aside whatever personal sentiments you may have about girl cops (or is that just me?), and have fun playing the ‘bad cop.’ Make sure not to forget the handcuffs.
Courtney Stodden: If you’ve been looking for an excuse to step out in a pink vinyl bikini and stripper heels, she’s your girl. Just make sure to spend the night making faces like a mentally challenged porn star, and while you may not be the sexiest thing around you’ll be guaranteeing your crew a good time. (Note: That was a joke. Sixteen year olds who can pass for thirty six year old porn stars are not sexy. If you do decide to go out as little Courtney, though, I’d love to see it.)
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